she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
