the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
