Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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