You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
