Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
