How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
