Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
