I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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