I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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