Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
