You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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