my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I supernannyed him into submission
do nipples grow back?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
