Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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