I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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