You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
