And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
