I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Terrible idea I love it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
there is glitter all over my balls
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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