I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
