It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
