only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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