I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
