Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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