____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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