there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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