I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
