also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
