I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
