We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
