Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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