One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
