someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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