My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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