I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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