i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
