i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
