You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
