Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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