Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
