My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
