Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
