My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
