I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
