Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
