forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you never un-have a 4some
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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