Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
