yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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