My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you never un-have a 4some
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
