standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
