So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
