Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
