I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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