is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
