we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
